The book is really the book I wish I had when I was a new mother because I felt overwhelmed wondering how I would be able to continue writing and being creative (which I loved), and be an involved mom at the same time. I wanted to encourage moms not to sacrifice creativity for mothering responsibilities, that there is this other type of lifestyle you can have.

The book has come a long way. It started out simply as a collection of personal essays, and then over the years and when I met more women like myself, I would interview them and share their anecdotes. For me, every interview that I did with women involved with various disciplines of the arts was validating and funny and exciting. And it was fun because there really isn't any other book out there like it. There are tons of books on creativity and tons of books on motherhood, but there really isn't a book that addresses the needs of creative women who are raising kids.

That one's hard because I think all work is creative; a florist is creative, a chef is creative, a nurse is creative. But for the purpose of the book, I used the more traditional definition of creative work: dancing, writing, painting, acting, because these are jobs that you don't report to at 9 AM in the morning and stay at until 6 PM. These jobs involve keeping yourself motivated, working out of your house, how you weave together a life that's work and kids.

To be a mother calls on a lot of the same qualities in your character that creativity does: flexibility, vision, spontaneity.

I know women who say, "My creative work is my children," and I never liked that personally. I understand what they're saying but it implies too much control over another life. Additionally, as women if our children are our creative work, then when they leave us to go out into the world it seems that our creative gift has left us, and I don't believe that. I think being a mother is creative, and I'm trying to raise creative children, but they aren't my products. My creative product is my writing.

For me, the most inspirational stories were from women who discovered their creative work after being mothers. There's Christy, the mother who dabbled in dance a little bit before having her child, but it was from taking her daughter to different dance classes that she thought, "No, this isn't how I think a class should be taught, I need to teach this class!" I like the stories about women where having children made them feel like their lives had more possibilities - being a mother caused something creative in them emerge.

A lot of women I talked to struggled with how to reconcile the motherhood identity held out to women by our country (which is so over-idealized as giving, selfless, calm, responsible) and then the artist identity (crazy, drunk, unable to maintain commitment). So I think a lot of creative mothers think, "Well who am I? I'm not either identity." The identity question is something that's huge in their lives, and finding that out is a struggle.

There's the sense that tapping into your creative self and realizing your creative abilities is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children because they see you as a person doing that, and then they have a great model.

Everyone had stories about how to make one part of their lives invisible to make room for the other side. Certainly within groups of other mothers, creative moms tended to downplay their artist identity for fear of being judged as a bad parent. And then those women who engaged with their artist colleagues downplayed their motherhood to fit into professional circles.

If I had to ere on one side, I would go for the self-indulgent side. I think mothers are too eager to say, "Look what I've given up for my kids or family." You don't want to be a martyr - she's too guilt-ridden. You would rather be a fuller person. It's so basic: if you're not taking care of yourself, you don't have it in you to take care of others.

My favorites are walking, reading, eating good food, going out with my friends and travelling with my husband away from my kids.

It depends on the age of your kids. For instance, if you have a small baby, his or her interruptions are pretty immediate (feeding, wet diapers). But as your kids get older, you need to set firm boundaries about when you're working - when it's okay for them to interrupt and when it's not. They should also know not to touch your stuff, your workspace. They should understand that when you're working they need to knock, or if they want something to ask politely. It's important for them to understand that what you're doing is important to you, and to the family. After all, you are bringing money into the household! When you have school-age kids, the best time to work is when your kids are in school, and when they come home, you probably don't get that much work done. That's why summers are a hard time for people who work at home. I devote some time to this in the book. Overall, start young with the boundary setting. Another thing to remember is that life with small children is a different chapter in your life, and maybe you won't get as much work done during this time, but this is only one chapter in your life.

On a practical level, we've sort of filled our house with the materials you need. We have an art cabinet, a huge dress-up cabinet with great costumes. We also have always taken our daughters to concerts, to the theatre, cultural events. I also think for them it's helped to know that their parents value creative work. My daughter will come to me with a story and say that she's stuck, and I let her know that I identify with that feeling, and tell her to go outside and play; that maybe an idea will come to her then. So I can help her understand the artistic process.

This article first appeared on Seattle's UrbanBaby.com community site, March 2001.  All rights reserved.  To order your own copy of Big Purple Mommy, click here.

Top of the Page