- 1. Concrete
choices
"Do you want to wear
the red pants or the blue pants?"
- 2. Choices
with incentives
"Do you want to
go to bed now and I'll read you three stories
or go to bed in five minutes and I'll read
you one story?"
- 3. Playful
choices
"Do you want to walk to
bed or run to bed?"
- 4. Immediate
choices
"Do you want to go to
bed now or now?"
- 5. Choices
with consequences
"You may
play with the truck on the floor or
choose a soft toy to play with on the
table. If you run the truck on the table
again, I will take the truck away."
Remember, not
everything is a choice. If the behavior needs
firm guidance, it is not necessary to offer a
choice. Giving children choices is a tool to
empower children in times of powerlessness, to
make parenting fun and to help children learn to
think about options.
Expectations
Are your
expectations for your child too high or too low?
Expectations that are too high make a child feel
like he is a constant failure. The child will
either give up, or put so much pressure on
himself that he becomes sick, afraid and stressed.
The hormones released in children under stress
block their ability to learn. Expectations that
are too low make him feel you have no faith in
him and wipe out his feelings of value. It is
important for parents to maintain balanced
expectations of children based on their family's
values and the child's ability. Here are some
ways to show your child you believe in him:
- Be willing to
wait to allow your child to figure out a
problem, instead of rushing in with all
your adult wisdom to solve it.
- Avoid an
impatient tone when your child is
learning; remember learning takes
repetition and children cannot learn
under stress.
- Get close and
use a touch. Place your hand on his
shoulder, back or knee. A loving touch
calms children and relieves stress.
- Say or
silently affirm that he can do it. Use
words that convey your belief, "You
have such a creative mind, I know you can
do it."
- Suggest he
visualize the desired result. Ask him
what he would like to have happen, and
help him make a picture of it in his head
-
"My parents
were constantly affirming me in everything I did.
Late at night I'd wake up and hear my mother
talking over my bed saying, "You're going to
do great on this test. You can do anything you
want."
- --Stephen Covey
- Positive Parenting
3067 Channel Drive
Ventura, CA. 93003
email
info@positiveparenting.com
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